Dan and Frankie Save the World by Richard Langridge

Author:Richard Langridge [Langridge, Richard]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Published: 2016-02-02T07:00:00+00:00

***

The food was a full English, and it was good. Ordinarily I wasn’t much for fried breakfasts (I think it has something to do with the idea of all that grease sloshing around in your stomach—urgh), but this one was sublime. And even if it hadn’t been, I was starving; I would have eaten anything. I probably would have eaten dog food. As I was increasingly learning, running for your life makes you très hungry.

We were sitting in an RV inside the not-so-empty hangar, Abby and Carter watching in silence as Frankie and I went about devouring our meals. The RV itself was all flat, wooden upholstery and smooth plastic, like something you might get if IKEA decided to start making cars. There were little puckered holes in the walls above our heads (bullet holes), and stains like old oil on the carpet (blood). For a supposed hideout, I thought it was seriously lacking: a lot less ‘bat cave’ than ‘murder shack’. To say I was disappointed would have been an understatement.

‘So I’m guessing you boys are probably wondering what you’re doing here, am I right?’ said Carter, lighting up a cigar. It was a long, thick one that blew out the kind of smoke that could not have been good for a person’s lungs.

‘Something like that,’ I said, shovelling a fork-load of beans into my mouth. I had come to the conclusion by this point that we weren’t being kidnapped, after all. To the best of my knowledge, kidnappers did not usually cook their captives lush meals. And I still had both my ears, so there was that, too. I was being a detective again.

‘I figured. But first, let me ask you—exactly what is it you boys think is going on here?’

Frankie and I exchanged glances.

‘Breakfast?’ said Frankie.

‘I think he means the whole Jelly situation,’ I said.

‘Oh. That makes sense.’

And so we told him about all that had happened. We told him about Baxter & Klein and Mr Stewart, about the failed prank—even the part about the baton, which you’d have thought was a piece of information a person would really not want to ever divulge. But it was like we couldn’t help ourselves. We were kids in the principal’s office confessing to all the bad shit we’d done. We just couldn’t seem to stop.

When we did finally finish, a heavy silence descended upon us.

Carter looked at us strangely.

‘You shoved a baton up a man’s ass?’

‘A Jehovah’s Witness’s...’ corrected Frankie, unaware that doing so did not make it sound any better.

‘I see.’

‘I told you they were idiots,’ said Abby from beside him. She was sitting propped on a unit with her arms folded over her chest and was staring at us in that disdainful way again.

‘Well boys,’ said Carter, ‘I’ve got some good news and some bad news.’ He paused to take another deep drag on his cigar. ‘The good news is that you’re right—Baxter & Klein is completely overrun with Phonies.’

‘That’s the good news?’ I said. It just didn’t have that good-news ring to it.

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